The wind blows

By Violet Huey

What’s next? Just today! Tomorrow it will be just another today.

I get up pour myself a cup of coffee, take my pills, get the paper, fix a bowl of cereal for Larry and myself. Routine? Hopefully so. Hopefully not.

The wind blows and the rain falls.

***
Each year new friends arrive like unexpected birthday presents. The flames of some old friendships dim and a few simply burn out while others lay like white coals among the ashes waiting to be stirred again.
***
Passion rises when I read and hear of injustice–poverty–cruelty–abuse–and wars. Inside I roar yet I stand silent and helpless.

The wind blows and the rain falls.
***
I write. I read. I write. I read. Sometimes I hope for approval. Often I want to write like others–profound and beautiful. Today I must write for myself. The Bohemians have a saying “He who goes seeking other peoples sausages often loses his own ham.”
***
As I undressed for bed last night I noticed I had on two bras. I laughed out loud. It must have been a tough morning. I didn’t tell Larry. Am I getting old or is my mind visiting another day?
***
Our friend died. He was a strange little blessing to all who knew him. His blessing to himself was the departure: asleep in the night. In the wake of his death he left hundreds of fans who mourned with tears, laughter and memories. We went to all four of his favorite bars, raised our glasses, “Here’s to Jay”!

The wind blows and the rain falls.
***
I look at the dust accumulating on the surface of each piece of furniture. “I’ll dust tomorrow! Is this depression or procrastination? Who knows? Does anyone care?
***
The Immigration Bill didn’t pass. The Iraq government takes a month break from the heat while our American men armed in full military uniforms protect Baghdad. Bush promises to veto any benchmarks for withdrawal of troops. The Bohemians say, “Where sheep are lacking, the goats are honored”.
***
I jump into bed each night to enjoy a read in my newly discovered favorite book “Local Wonders.” I allow myself to read only two pages a night. I treat it like a truffle. One must take only one at a time, don’t chew or swish it around just let it slowly melt away. Cherish its richness as it slides down the throat. That is my approach to this book.

***
I can’t find my mothers diamond ear rings. I rattle through every little and big box that ever housed any jewelry. Not there! Three times I frantically search the special places as I pleadingly pray, “Little flower in this hour show me your heavenly power.” My sister will kill me. I hear Larry say, “You are always losing things.”

This Bohemian says, “When all else fails go to the refrigerator.”
***
My friend lies in bed waiting and wanting to sleep never to wake up. Her eyes full of anxiety, curiosity and sometimes anger tells me she is still there. She remains alert full of questions and longs to be heard. Words of wisdom, guidance, and humor once at her command now remain strangled by the viciousness of her disease.

The wind blows and the rain falls.
***
In church I see families and old folks like us. All faces and no voices. I feel no connection. There is a sense of formality and pageantry. I pray to a God somewhere. Today I didn’t see Him. Am I too closed? Am I too blind? Perhaps tomorrow.
***
I found my mother’s ear rings. I’ll live another day. I’m exhausted. Now I can’t remember what I was looking for when I found the ear rings. Being retired I have more time to spend looking for things I have hidden in safe places. It gives me a mission each day.
***
Driving home after four p.m. mass we talked about eating dinner out.

“Where would you like to go?”

” I don’t care. What do you want to eat?”

“How about Mexican?”

“No, that’s not good for your Diabetes or my cholesterol.”

“Well let’s go to M&S Grill, we can eat salmon.”

“No it will be too crowded on a Saturday night.”

“There’s the Rio, we’ve never been there.”

“No that is too expensive.”

“Well we can’t go to Panera Bread because we went there last night and you complained because it was too cold. We can’t go to Sweet Tomatoes because we eat too much at buffets. So what’s left ?”

“Oh hell let’s just go home. I’ll fix you an egg sandwich and I’ll have cereal and yogurt.”

The wind blows and the rain falls.

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